by Brandon Beck

Novelist Qiu Xiaolong, in his 2000 (English translation) novel Death of a Red Heroine (Book 1 of the Inspector Chen series), writes, “When you wear the mask, the mask becomes you.” I’m thinking about masks today for many reasons, mostly because my mask hurts my face. I am learning to take my mask off by listening to God and integrating God’s call on my life with a psychoeducational practice of emotional sobriety.

In SMART Recovery groups, people come to learn emotional sobriety as a pathway to peace from any and all kinds of addictive behavior. We recognize, understand, and act to change our own actions in relationship to our feelings and thoughts. One of my rule-of-life principles is to remember, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). Coming to know this about myself was not as simple as meditating on the psalm or listening to other people compliment me, reward me, or praise me – especially when who they were complimenting and lauding was my mask and not me. Participating in SMART Recovery and practicing the skills taught there helps me embody the words of God, to recognize my authentic self in God’s words, to understand myself as God sees me, and to act in a way congruent with who I am as a child of God.

I’m reminded of another quote – this one from the 1998 film version of Alexandre Dumas’s classic The Man in the Iron Mask: “I wear the mask. It does not wear me.” I’ve learned to make a conscious decision about my mask rather than letting it control my life. I recognize the illusion my mask creates – the way it separates me from God – and I understand how to take my mask off so that it does not wear me, does not become me.

One of the SMART Recovery exercises is on unconditional self-acceptance (USA) and asks that I challenge negative thoughts I have about myself, detect my own irrational/worldly thoughts, and connect with the rational thoughts that demonstrate my worth and goodness based on facts I can sense. My action is to turn to God and remember that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”– it’s ok to take off my mask so the world can see how God created me!

De-masking – showing the world my beautiful face – is a truth-telling that came easily as a small child. Jesus asks us to reach God through childlike wonder because, when we are children, we haven’t yet been told to put on masks; as children we haven’t hidden our beautiful faces from our Creator. My prayer today is that we each examine our faces and ask, “What mask am I wearing? What’s stopping me from taking it off?” After all, God wants to see your beautiful face!!